That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my whole life.
It certainly is. Who sent it?
That's strange, it doesn't say. Who could've come from?
I don't like it. It's staring at me.
It's probably one of your uncle's jokes.
I don't think it's funny at all.
Darling, I'm just going to have a shower.
I'll be there in a minute.
Claudia, I told you not to leave your toys laying about.
Good God, you are hideous.
- Claudia? - What?
I had a bond with you, young lady.
We had an agreement, didn't we? Didn't we?
But daddy, I didn't leave it there.
In a civilized society, our word is our bond.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Just because it's your birthday, doesn't mean you can...
Richard?
Richard, what was that?
You killed my mommy and daddy.
And now you're pissing your pants, you're pissing your pants...
your pissing your pants!
Wake up! You're pissing your pants!
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
what you've all been waiting for!
Shitface...
and the greatest ventriloquist in Europe!
The psychotic Psychs!
Come on!
This grotesque abomination...
is not even anatomically correct.
Don't laugh, it's a serious condition.
Six years ago, I found him in a cemetery back in the US...
the little fucker tried to rip me from hell.
I was trying to give you a hug.
I don't know much about myself.
I know I'm an orphan, I know I'm a freak...
and of course, I know that I'm Japanese.
But why do I have such terrible nightmares?
Filled with rate and blood and guts.
I'm not like that at all.
I would even hurt a fly.
There it goes, back to his family.
I envy him.
Sometimes, I wonder about my own parents.
Were they Zen masters?
Did they serve the emperor?
Sometimes I wonder what my mom and dad were really like.
So, you don't believe in Santa Claus.
Trust me honey, tonight I'm gonna make you believe.
Wait to see what Santa is bringing you, you naughty girl.
No, I can hear you fine, you're not breaking up.
Sheila I just said, you're not breaking up.
You're breaking up with me?
Wait! You're breaking up with me on Christmas's Eve?
Sheila, you've got to be fucking kidding me!
That's just great.
I knew it!
You're not real!
You were never real!
You know what that kind of disappointment can do to somebody?
You have any idea how that can fuck with your mind?
Fuck with your mind? Fuck with your mind?
Chucky broke again. This is bloody ridiculous!
Cut! Cut!
Thirty-four, take 1.
- Don't help me. - Tony, what was that?
- I'm sorry, it's... - This is unprofessional...
- and I can't work like this. - No Jason, I'm sorry! Wait!
We're here in Hollywood where production is underway...
on the new horror flick "Chucky Goes Psycho".
The film tell the urban legend of Chucky and Tiffany.
Two dolls supposedly possessed by serial killers.
The dolls were found in the scene of real life murders...
which remain unsolved to this day.
Guys, I think Tiffany's left arm is loose again.
I'm looking for Jennifer? Does anyone have a 20 on Jennifer?
Jennifer. Got your skinny-quick.
We're ready for you on set.
- Jennifer, I'm so proud of you. - For what?
- For sticking to your diet. - Thank you.
What's going on in the world today?
Julia Roberts is getting 25 million for her next film.
I'm so tired of hearing about Julia Roberts.
You know, I should've played Erin Brockovich.
I could've done it without the WonderBra.
Julia stole that part right out from under me.
You know how? She slept with the director, that's what I think.
Jennifer, you know that's not true.
How come I don't ever get any of the good roles anymore?
How come nobody takes me seriously?
- Nice tits. - Thank you.
Look at me, I'm an Oscar nominee, for Christ's sake...
and now I'm fucking a puppet.
Got no fan mail, no paparazzi, no stalkers.
There must be something I'm right for.
Let's see...
Hip Hop Superstar, turned director Redman...
is still looking for the right actress to take the female lead...
in his upcoming Bible epic.
That sounds good. What's the role?
Virgin Mary.
- What's so funny? - Nothing.
It's perfect! It's just what I need to reinvent myself.
The Virgin Mary. I always loved the way she wears robes...
her hair off her face, kinda like this.
Joan, get Morty on the phone...
and tell him I need to have a meeting with this Redman right away.
That's a wrap for Access Hollywood reporting from Hollywood.
For as you can see, Chucky and Tiffany are alive and well.
You can catch their movie in theaters next Halloween.
Thank you, Chucky.
Fuck you very much.
I'm not orphan after all.
Well...
you were shit last night...
- you're gonna have to be more scary. - Scary?
Let's rehearse, shall we?
Hello.
Look, you gotta learn tapping your killer instincts.
Give in to your natural impulses, or else I'll have to...
fire your arm?
Hey!
Come here! Come here!
Come here!
Mary, you're truly a vision of solid innocence.
Unique among all women, as pure as the virgin snow...
but I ask, what is troubling you?
Joseph, husband, there's been a miracle.
As I stand before you, I must tell you...
I'm with child.
But Mary, how could this be?
In accordance with God's whishes, we never lay together...
as man and wife.
Yes it is true, and I beg you that you believe when I tell you...
I've never lain with any man at all.
Do you believe me, Joseph? Do you?
- Do you? - Yes, yes I do.
- You're great. You're super. - Thank you, Mr. Man.
Could I call you Red?
There's a whole lot different ways I can do it, not just the way you saw.
I can do it faster, I can do it slower, I could do it as a rap.
No.
You already showed me a side of the character I've never seen before.
Thank you.
But I think I'm gonna have to go with my first choice.
Thanks for coming by anyway.
I'm a huge, huge fan...
I really wanna work with you one day, we should call you...
Excuse me, I hope you don't mind my asking but...
- who is your first choice? - Julia Roberts.
But thanks for coming by anyways.
Listen Red...
I've been giving a lot of thought to this project...
and I have a lot of interesting ideas about the character...
and I was thinking maybe...
you'd like to discuss it in a more intimate setting. Just the 2 of us.
Well, I didn't know you were that passionate about the role.
Yes, very passionate.
So, shall we say, my place...
eight 'o clock?
Pardon me, sir.
Sorry.
Sorry, sir.
Don't mind me. Excuse me.
Oh dear.
Mom?
Dad?
I've dreamed of this moment all my life.
I know this must come as quite a shock.
It's going to be an adjustment for all of us.
Look, I still have the necklace you left me.
I've always wanted to know, what does this words mean?
Is it our family motto?
Please say something!
It's because of the way I look, isn't it?
For pity's sake, please wake up!
Wake up.
"Aguei Due Dambala. Awake!"
- Tiff? - Chucky?
Who the hell are you?
Shitface.
Now what kind of a name is that?
Where are you mother and father?
Checking from that face, my guess is they're hiding.
Shut up, you asshole.
Come on, it looks like the kid fell off the ugly tree...
and hit every branch on the way down.
You gotta feel bad for the parents. I wonder what they must look like.
Oh my God.
What? No you didn't... we didn't...
Sweet Face, come to mommy!
What's going on? Where are we?
In Hollywood. I saw you on the TV.
Chucky, wake up! Look at us!
We've had a make over! We're movie stars!
Shit! Barbie mode!
They're puppets. They don't walk and talk by themselves.
Listen, if you want them to work, I'm gonna have to take them apart.
Is mommy ill?
The courts thought so.
Heads up!
I'll stop believing that.
Hey, you're pissing your pants.
Chucky, she's just had an accident.
You mean "he" had an accident.
Don't look at me.
See? What did I tell you?
- A beautiful little girl. - What? Are you blind?
That's my boy!
It's just that he hasn't had his growth spurt yet.
Don't worry about it, son. You're a later bloomer, that's all.
And it's high time that you had a real name.
Let's see, I'm gonna call you...
Glen.
Glen? What kind of name is that for a girl?
Don't listen to him, honey. From now on, your name is...
Glenda.
Run, Glenda!
Geez! What a mess!
There you are, mister good bar.
Jennifer Tilly!
Hello!
Oh my God! You look so real.
You look so real!
You're cuter than my last boyfriend.
I think we make a lovely couple.
Jennifer! Mrs. Tilly! Were you having an affair with him?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Pete Peters, Celebrities Reveal.
- Jennifer, what did you see? - You want me to draw a picture?
- Somebody give her a piece of paper! - I'm not going to draw a picture.
Don't feel bad, you're an actress, not an artist, uh?
What were you doing when you saw the body?
No comments.
Jennifer, I love you.
Is it true that you and Redman talked about...
you starring in his new movie?
- Yes, as a matter of fact, I... - Can I have your autograph?
Okay, sure.
We've heard about your obsession with chocolate.
Hey, hold on, you forgot the head.
Excuse me, excuse me.
Jennifer, how old are you really?
- Paparazzi scum bag! - What year were you born?
- I want the set of the film, okay? - Sure.
What are you hiding?
- Are you okay? - I am now.
So are you a pair of ninja assassins?
Are you hit men for the Yakuza?
We're not from Japan. We're from Jersey.
Just think. Jennifer Tilly is playing me in a movie.
- It's absolutely perfect casting. - But that voice?
I know, she sounds just like an angel.
Now I've got it all figured it out.
I'm gonna transfer my soul into Jennifer...
and you're gonna transfer your soul into Redman.
I'm down with that.
We'll diss these plastic bodies once and for all...
and we'll be Hollywood's hottest couple!
- What about me? - Don't worry, Glenda.
I've got that figured it out too.
You are going to be a real life girl.
- Boy. - How?
Well, I'm not getting pregnant again, I'll tell you that much.
My mother always told me...
"once is a blessing, twice is a curse. "
That would explain your sister.
The only sensible option is a surrogate mother.
- I have something important... - Hold on a second, sweetheart.
- Hello? - What are you doing?
I'm busy.
- I do have a life, you know? - Turn on the news.
We have discovered the victim's body.
As of yet there's no official confirmation...
as to whether or not Mrs. Tilly is a suspect
- Jesus! - Can you believe it?
Are you okay?
I've had better days.
Listen Joan, I need you to do something for me.
I need you to get me a bottle of champagne...
and bring it by my house.
What for?
I've got a big night tonight.
Tonight? With who?
Redman.
- Jennifer, what are you up to? - Thank you, Joan.
Come on, Stan. It's just business. He'll be outta there by midnight.
Oh my God! She's a complete slut!
Good night, Glenda. Sleep tight.
Leave it on.
Oh sweetie. There's nothing to be scared of.
Your dad and I will be right here.
Why do you kill people?
Excuse me?
Why do you kill?
It's a hobby, really. It helps us relax.
Am I going to be a killer?
Of course! It's been a family tradition for generations!
But violence is bad, isn't it? They said so on TV.
Not violence. Violins. Violins are bad.
That scrutchy music is gonna ruin the godamn country.
Chucky, Glenda is right.
It's time we owned up to it.
We have a problem with killing.
I don't have a "problem" with killing.
I like a little killing now and then. What's wrong with that?
Killing is an addiction like any other drug.
But we're parents now. We have to set a good example.
Let's quit, Chucky. Right now!
You have got to be kidding.
Promise me, Chucky, no more killing.
- No. - Chucky.
- No, no... - No more killing!
- No, no... - We can't do it anymore!
- No, no... - We have the future to think of!
- No, no! - We have a child!
Fine! Alright already! I promise.
Thank you, doll baby. You're a sweetheart.
Now we really will be the perfect family.
Did you hear that?
Maybe you should forget the director and fuck the exterminator instead.
So how do I look? Never mind.
Jennifer, this is beneath you.
Think about what you're doing. What the people are gonna say?
Who cares what people will say?
- Don't you see how evil this is? - I don't wanna hear it.
You're prostituting yourself so you can play the Virgin Mary.
Joan, I don't wanna hear it.
This is so evil. You're going to hell.
No, hell would be ending up on "Celebrity Fear Factor"...
in a worm-eating contest with Ann and Nicole Smith.
Which you'd win.
- He's here. - Let yourself out the back.
And while you're at it, leave your key on the counter.
- What are you saying? - You think I'm so disgusting...
you think I'm going to hell.
I'm only trying to survive here, Joan.
God knows I wouldn't wanna drag you down with me.
I'm saying you're fired.
I'm gonna get that ass...
Now in artificial insemination, timing is everything...
so you have to hurry. That shouldn't be a problem for you.
Yeah, just don't let that player get into her pants.
I don't want him touching my woman...
- until I'm him, and you're her. - Right.
Hey, aren't you gonna give me a hand here?
Too tall.
Lesbos!
Done her.
Here we go!
Come to papa!
Cheers!
You know, I wasn't bullshitting when I told you I was a fan.
That's so sweet, Redman.
Which of my films is your favorite?
That movie where you and that chick were making out.
"Bound". Everybody likes that one.
- You're still in touch with her? - Gina?
Yeah, we're friends.
Close friends.
Very close friends.
Maybe the three of us can hang out together sometime.
- I'd really like that a lot. - Okay.
- I'll see if I can make it happen. - The bottom is up, baby.
Redman, I was wondering...
what's gonna take to make you seem me as a Virgin?
Well, you tell me!
A masturbating midget?
Get it, Mini-Me!
Sweet Jesus! God bless the little people!
- I don't know if I can do this? - Why not?
- What will people say? - Fuck what people will say!
You know what I'm saying? This was meant to be, for real.
You know how I know? 'Cause the man upstairs told me so.
- Really? - Hell yeah!
Mel Gibson ain't the only one God's been talking to in Hollywood.
And He personally told me, that you was my Virgin.
What the hell?
Pig!
And you should be ashamed yourself.
Where's your self-respect?
You know what my mother used to say about dirty girls?
She said "You can always smell it on the girls who sell it".
By the way, can I have your autograph?
I'm a big fan.
What am I supposed to do with this?
Mrs. Tilly, I know you're frightened.
You're probably even wondering if you've gone completely insane.
But I promise you, tomorrow you're going to wake up...
and this will all seem just like a bad dream.
In the mean time...
we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.
It's really up to you.
No wonder the girl is always in trouble.
Check it out. Look at the size of his feet.
You know what they say.
Geez, she's fat.
I can't believe it, she's not even pregnant yet.
Paparazzi scum bag!
Looks like you've got everything under control.
I'll just leave you to it.
Motherhood is so beautiful.
No, no...
Sorry, just messing with you.
What time is it?
Time to get dressed.
We're gonna have our own boys' night out, just you and me.
- How does that sound? - Where are we going?
Hunting.
I can't see anything. Maybe we should slow down?
Now, you're doing great!
Son of a bitch!
- Up yours, asshole! - What?
Not you, son. Come on, floor it!